Baby Pictures

There is a picture of me with an umbrella when I was about four years old that I always thought was cute.  Last night I came across it and thought that my four year old son might appreciate this picture of his "mommy" at around the same age he is now.  Well, yet again I was reminded of how sentimentality is so personal and individual when later I found the framed picture discarded on the floor.  Since this memory of mine didn't seem to be super impressive to his four year old brain, it told me that this picture is probably most dear to me, and only me.  It obviously wasn't super-special to my parents since it ended-up at my home at some point, and I'm doubting that my husband finds much joy in the daily viewing of his wife's baby pictures.  So, to my side of the bedroom it went.  I figure if I'm the only one that really enjoys looking at myself as a small child, then I'll gaze on it each morning when I wake.  :)

This topic is one of sensitivity for me as I ponder what I should do with the forgotten memories of my family members that have passed-on, along with those still with us.  As one full of emotion and sentiment, it hurts deep inside to discard memories that can never be replaced.  But why?  If my father didn't feel the need to keep his high school or college yearbooks, then why is it that I have a hard time letting them go?  What to do with the guest book from my great aunt's wedding, a woman that I never knew?

As my generation has matured, my siblings and I have found ourselves in possession of photos and items from our childhood that were once being treasured by our parents and grandparents, but seem to have lost their value as we have aged.  Is there an expiration date on how long your "cute" items remain as such?  Why is it now that we are parents ourselves that we are being returned what seem to be the majority of any items reminding our own parents that we once were youngsters ourselves?  Is this all a great cycle, making room for the grandchildren's things as now there are new baby pictures to display?

I once spent a few very long nights up in the wee hours, doing my best to put together photo albums for various family members as Christmas gifts.  It occurred to my sister and me while working on this project that it was easier to organize photos during this time in our lives than it would have been years earlier.  Now you knew not to include photos of this family member in that one's album, and vice versa.  Divorce seems to have that one benefit...parents still together might view one photo album as a small gift for the both of them.  Divorced parents mean two houses, two albums, two gifts.  After putting such devoted efforts into this project, expectations for the recipients' reactions were high.  Needless to say, when one recipient reacted with less than favorable emotion at seeing the "old pictures," it hurt.

Why is it I constantly feel like Jo from Little Women?  You would think a young woman of my age and status in life would not still feel so tied to the past, much less so negatively.  I've married, weathered considerable troubles within my marriage, birthed two beautiful children, and now stand poised for their school years.  Why, why, why am I still troubled by what seem like unbreakable bonds to still lingering questions and injuries of the past???

I'm still struggling, very obviously, with how to respectfully honor my elders and their memories, and also with what I do with my own.  Now that my baby pictures are no longer of any joy to my parents, do I just keep them to gaze upon for myself?  Will one day down the road my children have any interest in such items, or will they show the same disinterest as when they were toddlers?  Has our digital world eliminated the value of "old pictures?"

I welcome comments, especially to this post.  I know I'm not alone in my sentimental world, yet this particular topic makes me feel very much so.  Here I remain, growing up.