Who's the Parent?

In my life, I've been many things.  What I seem to have perfected is being first!  I've been the eldest of three, then after many years I was the eldest of four at 21.  I was the first to marry of the four.  I was the first to have a child.  Some of these firsts were chosen for me, and some I have chosen.

I was the first to be in charge of two younger siblings after my parents split when we were all still in elementary school.  This time period in our lives robbed me of a traditional childhood.  While it would be easy to blame my parents for this, it still won't allow for me to get those years back.  What I chose to do as an adult is to ensure that my children have a rich and fulfilling childhood, so that in a healthy way I can re-experience some of the things that I missed as a child.

What I'm most proud of choosing in my life is being the first of my siblings chose to work out my marriage.  To endure marital separation is something that cannot be explained to anyone that has never experienced this for themselves.  I do not pass judgment on other couples, especially after my own experience with my husband.  I learned many things during our separation that needed to be learned.  I had some experiences during that time that have changed my outlook on not only my marriage, but myself.

As I prepare to celebrate my ninth anniversary with my husband tomorrow, I find myself very often attempting to share what I've learned in my 30 years with others.  Whether that be marital advice, or just advice on life in general -- I feel strongly driven to help others through my shared knowledge and experiences.  This drive applies to all, young and old.  As a troubled teen I like to counsel those dealing with similar issues.  As a wife and mother, I freely share advice with anyone looking for help with their relationship or child rearing questions.

What I find myself faced with much today is having a parent requesting my advice on a constant basis.  This is no different in some ways from a total stranger asking for help.  In many ways, however, this is very different.  There came a time in my life when I felt "smarter" than my parents.  This confidence in my younger years made me quick to offer my parents advice, even when it wasn't solicited.

Now I find myself consistently offering the same advice again and again to my parent, only to watch the same mistakes being made over and over like a bad dream.  I feel a reverse sense of disappointment when I do my best to offer my parent the tools I think are helpful to their situation.  As the child in this relationship, it is very frustrating to witness poor decisions and habits repeated daily by your parent.  I feel as if my child is floundering...yet I'm the child.

This type of exchange between myself and my parent has inspired me to write.  I think the world that we live in today is much more open to exposing the skeletons in your closet.  While I would never want for my parents to feel any sense of disrespect by me or shame from my remarks, I do wish to express how I feel in a productive way.  For any child or adult child of a parent still "growing up," I intend this blog to be a source of comfort and strength.  Comments are encouraged!  Thank you for reading today.  :)

An Introduction

As the eldest of three children, I learned at a very early age the responsibility that comes with being in this position in your family.  To add to this responsibility, my parents split when I was seven.  My younger sister was 6, and our youngest brother (at the time) was 4.  Recently, many different events have brought back memories and stories from childhood.  Some are happy times, but unfortunately many are not.  It's a sad fact when your most prominent memories of your "childhood" seem to blur out the times that were more enjoyable.

I know I had good times as a child.  I know this from my own memory, from stories shared by others, and from family pictures.  The hard part, it seems, is remembering the good before the bad.  As a young mother of two children, I along with my husband are doing our best to fill our children's memories with as many "good" times as possible.  We view every day as another opportunity to "right the wrongs" of our parents.

I don't intend for this blog to be a "parent bashing fest."  One of the things that bothers me most about many talk shows over the last 20 years has been the pattern of broken adults blaming their broken parents for their adult problems.  As an adult still struggling to find my way every day, I hope to share my experiences through this blog in a helpful manner.  I know I can't be the only young woman that is still growing up every day, even after 30.  I know I can't be the only young woman still struggling with parenting her parents.

Feel free to join me in this adventure.  After years of discussing writing a book with family members, this outlet seems to fit better with our modern lifestyle.  Comments are welcomed and encouraged.